follies of youth
Psychoanalysis and things of the sort have been on my mind quite recently. It appears someone I know of, and deeply cared for in the past, is getting married. We shared many a night walking on the beach, having conversations on a bench while the lunar gravitonics made a hopelessly romantic ambiance of crashing waves. Things were shared that I'm sure neither of us will forget, or at least I won't. And now as her wedding approaches I think to myself...WHY THE FUNDIP WILL IT NOT BE ME STANDING BESIDE HER. I use capitals to show how loud this is sounding in my head.
Emotions are a tricky thing to understand, but I know loud and clear my heart and mind want to reach out and slap me for not pursuing this fine specimen of femalekind. But instead of dealing with emotions, my twisted head is trying to analyze where things went wrong, or if not wrong where did they go period. And really I don't know. I was once told I had a fear of commitment. Possible I guess. It would explain why I hate actually starting things in the first place. I always get a nervous tension/anxiety right before I set out on a new adventure. The only thing that usually pulls me through is my ignorant/immortal mindset. That and I can usually talk my way out of just about anything. But I digress...i see relationships as a different type of commitment. It's different than a new job, or buying a new car. The whole "interaction" part scares me. I like to be in control of every situation possible. I know I can't, but I like to think I can a lot of the time. So what happened those few years ago....
The easy answer is to say we grew apart I guess. She moved on and found a nice guy, I've never had a "real" relationship, or at least what I would call real. I'm almost 24, and part of me says get some direction, the other says drive it till the mothertruckin wheels fall off.
That's where it stands.
If any females out there read this and want to go to a wedding, give me a holler. If not, give me a holler for the heck of it...always nice to meet another pretty face.
B
Emotions are a tricky thing to understand, but I know loud and clear my heart and mind want to reach out and slap me for not pursuing this fine specimen of femalekind. But instead of dealing with emotions, my twisted head is trying to analyze where things went wrong, or if not wrong where did they go period. And really I don't know. I was once told I had a fear of commitment. Possible I guess. It would explain why I hate actually starting things in the first place. I always get a nervous tension/anxiety right before I set out on a new adventure. The only thing that usually pulls me through is my ignorant/immortal mindset. That and I can usually talk my way out of just about anything. But I digress...i see relationships as a different type of commitment. It's different than a new job, or buying a new car. The whole "interaction" part scares me. I like to be in control of every situation possible. I know I can't, but I like to think I can a lot of the time. So what happened those few years ago....
The easy answer is to say we grew apart I guess. She moved on and found a nice guy, I've never had a "real" relationship, or at least what I would call real. I'm almost 24, and part of me says get some direction, the other says drive it till the mothertruckin wheels fall off.
That's where it stands.
If any females out there read this and want to go to a wedding, give me a holler. If not, give me a holler for the heck of it...always nice to meet another pretty face.
B
posted by BMF at
5:00 PM
1 Comments:
"Marriage is a place where the face becomes fat with compromise." Life is short and if you don't respect yourself than you won't trust any woman's respect of you. Lots of women out there want a wedding but very few want a marriage. Respect is a two way street, you know you will give her your respect, but make sure she gives you hers. And if she doesn't, hit the bricks and keep driving it until the wheels fall off.
By
Anonymous, at 11:41 AM
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