Feeling

What's the difference between feeling and feelings? Do we actually feel feelings? Or maybe we just have feelings.

What happens when you have so many negative feelings that you forget how or what the good ones feel like? Is it possible to lose the sensation you get from good feelings? Is it possible to never feel a positive feeling again? That's where I find myself.

Being of an analytical mind, everything must have meaning or cause. I was lucky enough to get a mind that races non-stop every minute of the day and night.

I've gone to sleep at night and had my mind race the whole night through while asleep. I wake up in the morning and before I open my eyes I think, where am I? I have no idea where I last was and I get a tiny anxiety attack before I open my eyes and realize where I am.

So, as of late there has been someone who hasn't talked or even acknowledged me. Before last week we were, at least I thought, good friends. I won't give you all the little details which i've poured over at least 20 times a day for the last week, but I can't find anywhere that really would have made them upset with me. I emailed the person last night and asked if everything was ok with them. They replied with a simple "Yep".

The weird thing is we have classes together and the person in question didn't talk to me during or after class.

So I've analyzed till i'm exhausted every night this week. I am drained of all emotional energy and wish all memories of this person would just leave me.

I'm in a lab with this person for 6 hours on monday. It's either going to get better or worse, there isn't any middle ground here. I've found my mind doesn't enter into neutral mode.