Right as Rain
It all started with a thought, which was followed by a comment, then a reaction, a lifetime of contemplation, 12 hours of self-help video, and a 4 CD audio course on seducing women for me to come to a simple conclusion.
So we all know by now I don't have a girlfriend. Why is that you ask? Well I've boiled it down to a few nonsensical reasons, none of which I care to share at this particular moment, which make some kind of reverse logic in my head. The REAL journey started who knows how long ago now. Probably one of those nights of playing the fifth wheel at Cat and Fiddle. "We need to find you a girlfriend". That was pretty much ALWAYS the comment.
The Reaction
Now everyone who reads this probably already knows what the reaction(s) is/are. I have two reactions. OK, three, but I only ever show two. First, say something like, "I don't need your help in this area thank you very much". Second, just smile and secretly wish they would help and encourage me. Third, express my current wishes to NOT have one, while secretly wishing I did(oops, the cats out of the bag now).
The Contemplation
This was the worst. I'm no psychologist, no matter how many times I tell people I am, but I'm pretty sure this was not a constructive part of my train of outcomes to this situation. We've all done it, whether you admit to it or not. Those long nights of thinking about who you'd LIKE to be with, or who you think would be FUN to have around type thoughts. And here's what I've found. When you fixate on someone/something long enough, you put it on a metaphorical pedastal. And in raising this person/thing up the more you think about them/it, you are subconsciously telling yourself you cannot achieve it as a goal. And by association, other things LIKE that which is too high to reach also start to become out grasp within your mind.
So that's where I have been for A LONG time.
The Problem Uncovered
I remember having a conversation with a good friend and coming to a possible conclusion that I may have some commitment complex that subconsciously tells me not to get into relationships. Sounds reasonable, although a little TOO deep for me. Well, I've been hearing about this guy who gives self-help seminars on picking up women. So I searched around on the internet and was lucky to find a seminar he did. After the first 20 minutes I was hooked. Something didn't quite add up though. I was looking for somekind of jedi mind trick to fix me so I could go out and get a date. After about 4 hours of video, I realized something, something isn't quite on par within me. I'm taking the wrong approach, thinking the wrong way. I needed to believe that I was successful in order to BE successful. Long story short, the seminar series was FILLED with amazing stuff which every guy should hear, see, or read about. So I was on my way.
The CDs I listened too had the same approach only slightly different. One spot of congruency was this: make sure you have a fulfilling life outside of dating and relationships while single. Now this was just profound to me. How could I be happy in one part of my life while completely out to lunch in another. So I thought about it for myself. And this is where the drama took place.
Reading people has always fascinated me. I play poker occaisionally and that is probably where it started. The idea of just watching someone and knowing with good approximation what they are thinking/feeling was astounding to me. So I started to look into it. Then something came up about how people's feelings, personalities often spills over into how they write with a pen, so I started into that too. So not only am I having a great time learning new things, I'm noticing that this new knowledge is spilling over into how I communicate with people. I no long feel the need to look away from a girls' gaze while buy something at a store. There is no hesitation when it comes to breaking awkward silence after one of those longer than needed eye contacts with a stranger.
So my conclusion as of right now is this. Know who you are and what you want first. Make sure you are happy with your life away from women, that way when you are in a dry spell, you're still having the time of your life.
It's quite profound when something clicks for you. If you've never felt it, go looking for it. So to anyone who reads this and doesn't comment, be happy with who God made you. Enjoy what is provided, and if you feel you're lacking, go on a quest to find it. It may just be the adventure you are looking for.
J
So we all know by now I don't have a girlfriend. Why is that you ask? Well I've boiled it down to a few nonsensical reasons, none of which I care to share at this particular moment, which make some kind of reverse logic in my head. The REAL journey started who knows how long ago now. Probably one of those nights of playing the fifth wheel at Cat and Fiddle. "We need to find you a girlfriend". That was pretty much ALWAYS the comment.
The Reaction
Now everyone who reads this probably already knows what the reaction(s) is/are. I have two reactions. OK, three, but I only ever show two. First, say something like, "I don't need your help in this area thank you very much". Second, just smile and secretly wish they would help and encourage me. Third, express my current wishes to NOT have one, while secretly wishing I did(oops, the cats out of the bag now).
The Contemplation
This was the worst. I'm no psychologist, no matter how many times I tell people I am, but I'm pretty sure this was not a constructive part of my train of outcomes to this situation. We've all done it, whether you admit to it or not. Those long nights of thinking about who you'd LIKE to be with, or who you think would be FUN to have around type thoughts. And here's what I've found. When you fixate on someone/something long enough, you put it on a metaphorical pedastal. And in raising this person/thing up the more you think about them/it, you are subconsciously telling yourself you cannot achieve it as a goal. And by association, other things LIKE that which is too high to reach also start to become out grasp within your mind.
So that's where I have been for A LONG time.
The Problem Uncovered
I remember having a conversation with a good friend and coming to a possible conclusion that I may have some commitment complex that subconsciously tells me not to get into relationships. Sounds reasonable, although a little TOO deep for me. Well, I've been hearing about this guy who gives self-help seminars on picking up women. So I searched around on the internet and was lucky to find a seminar he did. After the first 20 minutes I was hooked. Something didn't quite add up though. I was looking for somekind of jedi mind trick to fix me so I could go out and get a date. After about 4 hours of video, I realized something, something isn't quite on par within me. I'm taking the wrong approach, thinking the wrong way. I needed to believe that I was successful in order to BE successful. Long story short, the seminar series was FILLED with amazing stuff which every guy should hear, see, or read about. So I was on my way.
The CDs I listened too had the same approach only slightly different. One spot of congruency was this: make sure you have a fulfilling life outside of dating and relationships while single. Now this was just profound to me. How could I be happy in one part of my life while completely out to lunch in another. So I thought about it for myself. And this is where the drama took place.
Reading people has always fascinated me. I play poker occaisionally and that is probably where it started. The idea of just watching someone and knowing with good approximation what they are thinking/feeling was astounding to me. So I started to look into it. Then something came up about how people's feelings, personalities often spills over into how they write with a pen, so I started into that too. So not only am I having a great time learning new things, I'm noticing that this new knowledge is spilling over into how I communicate with people. I no long feel the need to look away from a girls' gaze while buy something at a store. There is no hesitation when it comes to breaking awkward silence after one of those longer than needed eye contacts with a stranger.
So my conclusion as of right now is this. Know who you are and what you want first. Make sure you are happy with your life away from women, that way when you are in a dry spell, you're still having the time of your life.
It's quite profound when something clicks for you. If you've never felt it, go looking for it. So to anyone who reads this and doesn't comment, be happy with who God made you. Enjoy what is provided, and if you feel you're lacking, go on a quest to find it. It may just be the adventure you are looking for.
J
posted by BMF at
4:14 PM
2 Comments:
buck, im sorry you think no one cares about your life - maybe if you stopped your self-destructive lifestyle of seducing asian women while playing poker and fighting UFC style to random street people, we would surround you more. GUY, kidding guy. it has been too long. im looking forward to friday. i have two things to say:
1. your post speaks truth. people need to be happy with themselves way before they can be happy in a relationship.
2. if you can't read the font on my blog, it's because your contrast and brightness on your monitor is too low. i have the same problem at work - crappy monitor. at home, it's fine, at work, no dice.
later bucky nine twelve
love matty
By
Anonymous, at 8:52 AM
Think we've met a few times buckmaster and yes, maybe those feelings I have for Jim Lahey are based in some kind of repressed homosexual longings for lanky, balding alchoholics. I agree with your comments about knowing yourself - I believe the most we learn about ourselves is when we are alone by choice or by circumstance. Some people disagree with that. A Ukrainian friend of mine on meeting a pretty girl I knew immediately asked her why she "always tied her hair back" asking her "is it because you hate yourself?" I laughed at this and then proceeded to take a sip of coffee.
By
Anonymous, at 4:56 PM
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