Weeds and Dreams

Today was the WORST day of working at the nursery. I got to weed, from 7:30 - 3, a 10 acre pumpkin patch. I wasn't alone of course. There was 25 of us in total. The patch was about 89% groundcover weeds. There was milkweed, mustard seed, cullalue(somekind of cabbage i think), etc. My back, hands and legs are EXTREMELY exhausted and I am not looking forward to tomorrow morning trying to get out of bed. Anyway, I got home and had a swim and checked my email. There was one from the biotech place I applied to back in april. It was from a lady who said to call her asap if i was interested in a job. So I called and everything seemed great but something told me to say no. It would be too much of a hassle to get everything together. She was very nice and said I was overly qualified, and to give her a call in february next year and let her know if i'll be looking again. I'll send her a Christmas card or something so she doesn't forget me. As soon as I hung up the phone I wished I would have said yes. Maybe there's a window opening somewhere I can't see yet. Anyway, life is boring. I fill my days by playing computer games and watching poker on tv. I try to get in the occaisional tennis match. I've yet to make it to a golf course because my hands are usually very sore after work each day. But now that we're on short hours I might try a little harder to get out.

I've been thinking a lot lately about the quality of the work we do. Why is it not many people can be trusted anymore? Whenever I hear the words "professional job" now it seems like a gamble to the consumer. I often dream up ideas of somekind of company which does things so much better than anyone else. Would that company be such a hard thing to setup? I have these thoughts of an idealized business culture. Open, honest, not out to steal, just to give good quality services and products. WHY DO I HAVE THESE DREAMS OF PERFECTION??? Dreams sometimes really piss me off because I have no idea what to do with them. Then there's my sadistic fantasies. Those just get weirder and wierder. They make my heart race and adrenaline pump and I find it difficult to sleep after having one.

That's enough. I'm currently dreaming of somewhere that I can smile and not have to force it. Laugh and not have to think why I'm doing it. Cry and not feel empty afterwards. And live like I never have before. If you know of the place I'm looking for please take me